Although we are mostly over the hump of this season of endless television, impulsive anything-covered-in-cheese purchases, and lack of fresh air, we are not. quite. there. yet.
We’ve seen glimmers of hope delivered to us via Hefeweizen being the beer special instead of Winterale. Last weekend’s epic weather, anyone? And of course, the return of Game of Thrones because that just makes everything better.
But it’s still yucky outside. Mother Nature is still being a little tease, and I just can’t be creative without Vitamin D. So instead, I’m going to embrace the Blaaaaaaaaahhhhh by observing all things blaaaah. They are the things that are mundane enough that you only notice them after passing them 20 times. It’s an object that you notice just because you’ve spaced out long enough that your eyes happen to refocus in that general area. (Whoa! There’s windows up there?) They are lame, but not lame enough to be offensive. They are simply Blaaaaaah, and here, they will be uncovered– a Blah blog, if you will.
Man this blog’s gone downhill.
Things that make you go Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah:
- The framed cartoon strip in your doctor’s/dentist’s/optometrist’s office. It’s usually not funny, it doesn’t even usually make a legit point, it’s just there.
-Along with this framed, unfunny cartoon strip, please note the blaaaaah motivational poster.
Note: Animal posters are slightly better and may survive off their cuteness (Kitten: “Hanging in there” anyone?), but the ones with someone rock climbing? Blaaaahh-tivational. Hmmm, did I pull off that word? Probably not.
- Skin-colored tights.
- The music playing upstairs at the Bay right now. Five bucks says it involves zero lyrics and at least two types of saxophones.
- Cucumbers in Greek salad. If I ruled the world, I’d cut that shit out.
- The carpet pattern on BC Ferries amiriiiiight or what?!
-Virgin Caesars. If they exist…
- The color beige. Except when worn by J-Lo obviously…that tanned goddess.
- 90′s television series Roseanne.
- Smithers’ voice off of the Simpsons.
- Watching Nascar.
-Ben Stein aka Kevin off of the Wonder Years’ science teacher. Can you imagine? (How good you’d be at science of course)
- Music by Uncle Kracker.
- Linoleum from the 60′s. Bonus blah if its got some shade of puke in it.
- Crotchet toilet roll covers.
- Oranges that aren’t Mandarin oranges.
- The moms in Swiffer commercials.
- A “Dog the Bounty Hunter” marathon.
- Strip malls.
-Those weird malls that have weird stores that you’ve never seen before.
-Those weird stores in those weird malls...like stores completely dedicated to selling only bottle openers.
-The letter “H” has never really done anything for me…so it’s going on the list.
- Decaf anything.
- The music that Shaw plays when the channels are scrolling down. For those of you that have that fancy cable, I’m (mostly) alluding to the synthesized versions of Louie Armstrong classics.
-Catch phrases from the 90s: “Did I do that?” “How rude!” etc…
Alright. That’s it, I’m done…I think I see some sun poking behind that gigantic gray cloud…